Catholics were being hipster long before you even knew what hipster was. For those of you who don’t know what hipsters are (in which case, you might actually be one) I will now supply my own definition. A hipster is a person who likes things you’ve probably never heard of, wears things purchased at thrift stores or stolen from the elderly, talks about things you’ve probably never heard of, rejects modern mainstream society, and for the most part, is the butt of many jokes.
Early Christians liked a lot of things that people of their time probably had never heard of. Things like, Jesus Christ, transubstantiation, the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, the Holy Spirit, etc. Modern hipsters talk about things like “underground music” and “underground bands” and “underground fixie bikes”, but early Christians were very underground. I mean this in a hip way, because you know your religion is legit when people want to kill you because of it, and in a physical go-into-hiding-underground way.
Furthermore, Catholic Moms have been shopping at thrift stores and recycling clothes since before you were born, and after you were born, and now that you are growing up, and before your next sibling was born, and so on.
Catholics and hipsters understand the importance of being thrifty. Why would I buy a pair of jeans for $50 when I could get a pair for $5? So what if they are tapered, that’s called skinny. My sweatshirt says “World’s Best Grandma”? Maybe I am. Are you judging me because I bought an XL maternity dress, took it in, and then used the extra fabric for headbands? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Catholics talk about things you’ve never heard of, and then discuss it in detail because they want you to understand so that you can talk about it together! Canonization? Not about canons, still super cool. Kerygma? It’s Greek and important. Emotional chastity? Doesn’t even make sense, but let’s talk about it!
Rejection of mainstream society is pivotal for a successful hipster. Hipsters do NOT like Ke$ha, Twilight, Justin Bieber, Hollister (is that still popular?), American eagle, or Desperate Housewives. For the most part, Catholics dislike the same things. But more importantly, Catholics understand what “going against the grain” and “dancing to the beat of your own drum” really means.
Abortion? No way, I love babies and mommies. Pre-martial sex? Not my thing. Contraceptives? Here is a research paper I wrote about why it’s harmful. Cosmopolitan magazine? Sometimes I bring Post-it notes into the grocery store to cover up the inappropriate stuff.
We get sued for things like having gender-segregated residence halls at Catholic University of America, we are mocked when we pray outside abortion clinics, and get shut down in class when we respectfully correct a professor teaching heresy.
Our modern world is all about tolerance, let people do whatever they want and you have to be nice to them. Except Christians, mock them all you want.
Despite all of these negative factors, we Catholic hipster continue loving the Lord, spreading His gospel, praying for those opposed, and buying crew neck sweatshirts for 99 cents at Goodwill.